This has taken me too long to share...
When I announced the re-release of Pathological, a pit formed in my stomach. A familiar pit, not from my mental illness days (kind of a strange way to refer to that time, but I kind of like it) but from when my memoir first came out in 2022.
What no one tells you about being a successful author…
What no one tells you about being a successful author—and anyone who lands a Big-5 publishing deal, or any publishing deal is a successful author—is the powerlessness that comes with it—total, encompassing, and often existentially harrowing. Even if you have the heavy-hitting agent and got the six-figure advance and the great New York Times review and the NPR appearance and the TV appearances, it’s a bit like someone pushing you off a curb and telling you to fly.
I’d wake with a stomach ache and pace in the fluorescent light of my kitchen, not knowing what to do to get my book to readers or how to make my publisher and agent—who’d believed so much in Pathological—proud.
Never has my apartment been so clean. Every morning, I vacuumed, Swiffered, and mopped. Countertops: spotless.
Control. Oh, the healing powers of the illusion of control.
But the pit that came with the announcement of the rerelease of Pathological quickly dissipated—because of you.
The support has been unreal.
The Roberts host a salon…
Support came in the most incredible form from
and his wife, Debbie, who opened their New York home to me and threw a combined book relaunch-and-launch party for Pathological and the ridiculously talented ’s new novel In Judgment of Others.The Roberts held a salon for Eleanor and me.
To say their apartment is stunning is an understatement. What makes it stunning is that it’s imbued with the two of them—their kindness, their incredible taste, their love of family and art and all that makes this world beautiful.
And their generosity. The flowers. The cocktail napkins and cookies with our book covers on them (cookies!). A videographer to record the event. David moderating the conversation.
Of course, there’s the other aspect of what this event means to me…
The night at the Roberts’s home was more than just a book event.
Being with friends and strangers and so many amazing Substack writers and creators who came out to support our books filled me with gratitude and excitement about Pathological—and Eleanor’s In Judgment of Others.
It’s also yet another sign of my recovery—that I’m able to attend an event like that with ease and joy. Many of you know what I’m talking about because you’ve experienced some level of emotional and mental despair that maybe kept you from having the life you never knew you wanted.
For you…
I only wish I had a photo of Debbie to share (!)—thank you both. And thank you, Eleanor.
And thank all of you for your support. It’s been incredible.
It’s taken me too long to share the evening with you…
I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed having the opportunity to be part of it.
This event must have been a dream! I watched it on Eleanor’s substack. Amazing. I’m so happy to see the two of you together, and to be a longtime fan of you both. I was reading recently about the “world soul” and it struck me that my connections here have that quality of being part of something bigger than myself. The nurturing and inspiration here is deep.
It sounds like such a joy-filled, supportive event. I’m thrilled for you!