I was writing about relationships yesterday and reflecting on the need for one snd how it seems to have become the ultimate goal, so these words have arrived at the perfect time. In the UK many single people have raised the issue of the single tax and how virtually everything is more expensive for someone who isn't in a relationship, but it seems things in the US don't look any better. And very interesting to read that observation about cancer. Funnily enough men are highly more likely to abandon their wives if they're diagnosed with a long-term illness that requires them to care for them than woman. So all things considered, maybe being single it's not so terrible in some instances. But it's tragic that it's still seen as a failure of sorts instead of a free choice or the result of changes in the way we form relationships nowadays.
Matrimania? That’s a real word? A real thing? Woah. 😳
I’ve been married for 37 years. Most of my life now. I had never thought about being single as being discriminatory, but your essay was very illuminating. Very unfair treatment in SO many ways. Interesting read Sarah. I love your writing (and your teaching of course), but it’s great to read you as a writer again. It’s been awhile. You are incredibly talented at way too many things to count. But your writing is my favourite.
Thanks for bringing that up, I guess the breaking up of tribesize structures to impose hierarchic invader cults led to a minimising corecohesion to a basic, two, that lie down together however rarely stand as one, as one might just have a mind of its own .... Still today solitary laughter is so frowned upon, yet da joy of being is such personal flavour ...
This resonates so deeply. I have been single for more than a decade, through most of my twenties and into my early thirties and some people find it genuinely upsetting. While I agree it would be ideal to have someone to partner in life with, I'm a cis-hetero woman, and I just don't see many men offering equality in partnership. Their life improves if I'm in it, but mine doesn't necessarily experience the benefits.
This was really illuminating, Sarah. I had never really thought about being single from this perspective, nor realized all the ways singletons are discriminated against. Geesh. I am a divorced single mom who is in a very happy and secure 17-year relationship with someone I've know nearly my whole life. We are completely committed to each other, but we live in separate homes a couple towns apart. In all these years, we've hardly ever talked about marriage, never mind given it any heavy consideration; but as we get older I'm starting to wonder if it isn't the smart thing to do. It's all rather unromantic, but it may end up being fiscally responsible to tie the knot. So strange. Thank you for bringing such clarity to this issue.
As a newly single person after 34 years of being married I’m loving it! I do find that my friends expect me to ‘find’ someone and don’t believe me when I say I’m quite happy as I am for now. It’s taken and is taking a little of adjustment but the benefits far outweigh the few times when I miss being part of a couple.
My life is so good now that it’s going to take a rather amazing person to make me want to give up the freedom and peace and serenity I have in my solitude. Not sure he exists 😂
Singletons, great term. The systems continue to be based on the normative values of coupling. And yes, singletons are punished, excluded, and over-taxed. This is why I’ve always supported same-sex marriage because same-sex couples also faced the unfair practices you mentioned. But what to do to change the unfair practices? In part, awareness needs to be addressed and archaic practices restructured. They are based on forcing women into traditional relationships.
I notice another stigma against people (especially women) who don't want children. I don't like children, and never had the slightest urge to create one. I also wouldn't want to force a child into such a selfish and flawed world even if I did want one.
Therefore, not only have I been cohabiting for 20 years, I am child free (and mortgage free... coincidence?) at 44!
I was writing about relationships yesterday and reflecting on the need for one snd how it seems to have become the ultimate goal, so these words have arrived at the perfect time. In the UK many single people have raised the issue of the single tax and how virtually everything is more expensive for someone who isn't in a relationship, but it seems things in the US don't look any better. And very interesting to read that observation about cancer. Funnily enough men are highly more likely to abandon their wives if they're diagnosed with a long-term illness that requires them to care for them than woman. So all things considered, maybe being single it's not so terrible in some instances. But it's tragic that it's still seen as a failure of sorts instead of a free choice or the result of changes in the way we form relationships nowadays.
Matrimania? That’s a real word? A real thing? Woah. 😳
I’ve been married for 37 years. Most of my life now. I had never thought about being single as being discriminatory, but your essay was very illuminating. Very unfair treatment in SO many ways. Interesting read Sarah. I love your writing (and your teaching of course), but it’s great to read you as a writer again. It’s been awhile. You are incredibly talented at way too many things to count. But your writing is my favourite.
Single on purpose here. I’m not inflexible about my choice, it’s just as it is now.
I’m not sure I would ever choose to live with another person again.
Singlism bias, ageism bias…. Good grief Charlie Brown. The “isms” are not nice.
Thanks for bringing that up, I guess the breaking up of tribesize structures to impose hierarchic invader cults led to a minimising corecohesion to a basic, two, that lie down together however rarely stand as one, as one might just have a mind of its own .... Still today solitary laughter is so frowned upon, yet da joy of being is such personal flavour ...
This resonates so deeply. I have been single for more than a decade, through most of my twenties and into my early thirties and some people find it genuinely upsetting. While I agree it would be ideal to have someone to partner in life with, I'm a cis-hetero woman, and I just don't see many men offering equality in partnership. Their life improves if I'm in it, but mine doesn't necessarily experience the benefits.
Thank you for offering a fresh perspective on this topic!
This was really illuminating, Sarah. I had never really thought about being single from this perspective, nor realized all the ways singletons are discriminated against. Geesh. I am a divorced single mom who is in a very happy and secure 17-year relationship with someone I've know nearly my whole life. We are completely committed to each other, but we live in separate homes a couple towns apart. In all these years, we've hardly ever talked about marriage, never mind given it any heavy consideration; but as we get older I'm starting to wonder if it isn't the smart thing to do. It's all rather unromantic, but it may end up being fiscally responsible to tie the knot. So strange. Thank you for bringing such clarity to this issue.
As a newly single person after 34 years of being married I’m loving it! I do find that my friends expect me to ‘find’ someone and don’t believe me when I say I’m quite happy as I am for now. It’s taken and is taking a little of adjustment but the benefits far outweigh the few times when I miss being part of a couple.
My life is so good now that it’s going to take a rather amazing person to make me want to give up the freedom and peace and serenity I have in my solitude. Not sure he exists 😂
Singletons, great term. The systems continue to be based on the normative values of coupling. And yes, singletons are punished, excluded, and over-taxed. This is why I’ve always supported same-sex marriage because same-sex couples also faced the unfair practices you mentioned. But what to do to change the unfair practices? In part, awareness needs to be addressed and archaic practices restructured. They are based on forcing women into traditional relationships.
I notice another stigma against people (especially women) who don't want children. I don't like children, and never had the slightest urge to create one. I also wouldn't want to force a child into such a selfish and flawed world even if I did want one.
Therefore, not only have I been cohabiting for 20 years, I am child free (and mortgage free... coincidence?) at 44!
Truth! Thank you for sharing and pointing out all the things I’ve seen as an “unpaired “ person. Great information. Bravo 👏
MATRIMANIA.