I don't have answers for anyone else but I can say the most powerful and important relationship I've had with anyone is the one I have with myself. I was married for 27 years and was lucky my children and I survived, although it left all of us with issues. All the things that are necessary to make a relationship "work" with someone else are the same things we need to work on individually; unconditional love, compassion, patience, acceptance of flaws, being courageous and responsible, being truthful and uncompromisingly authentic.
I remember with great clarity the day not long after I was divorced. I was still thinking I needed someone in my life to be happy and was still making mistakes, looking in the wrong places. Suddenly a thought came into my mind from some inspired corner of the Universe and it was this: "You don't need to find love. You have all the love you need because you ARE love." And in that moment everything changed for me. I began to embody that in my life and energetically project it in my interactions with others. I no longer felt alone and unfulfilled and began to build a life of my own, on my terms. I've been blissfully single ever since.
Culture feeds us a lie that to be happy we have to be coupled with someone. Ultimately, except for our mutual and eternal connection to each other as our spirit selves after we pass, we are ultimately engaging this grand experiment of life in a body on our own. My 13 year-old daughter said shortly before she died, "Mom, I think the reason we here on Earth is to help each other." Indeed. So glad you're here with us Sarah, helping us navigate this part of our lives. I hope you feel loved.
Great self-awareness and insight into yourself, Sarah. I think that romantic relationships do not contribute to our mental health, moreover romantic relationships may worsen the state of mind of the mentally fragile persons. I believe that romantic relationships require mentally strong and mature person with good self-esteem.
I struggle daily with feeling not quite "right" or "whole" or "normal" because I've been single for so long. This essay really spoke to me. And I LOVED your memoir. So glad you're here/there.
I heard something yesterday in another podcast that loneliness is the difference between how many people we are connected with and how many we'd like to be connected with. I think that applies here. If you want to be in a relationship but you aren't, then that would cause distress or unhappiness. But there are most definitely lots of people who are perfectly happy not being in a romantic relationship and that is perfectly fine too.
Did he ever reach out again? At any point? Or was that the end of the relationship?
It dragged on, then fizzled.
Major respect for this essay.
Oooh, I worried what you might think, going "against" romantic relationships and all.
I'm happy as part of a couple but that doesn't mean everyone is or would be.
Love this. I have your book and will dive in soon!
Thank you, Jo-Ann, for reading! It means so much to me.
I don't have answers for anyone else but I can say the most powerful and important relationship I've had with anyone is the one I have with myself. I was married for 27 years and was lucky my children and I survived, although it left all of us with issues. All the things that are necessary to make a relationship "work" with someone else are the same things we need to work on individually; unconditional love, compassion, patience, acceptance of flaws, being courageous and responsible, being truthful and uncompromisingly authentic.
I remember with great clarity the day not long after I was divorced. I was still thinking I needed someone in my life to be happy and was still making mistakes, looking in the wrong places. Suddenly a thought came into my mind from some inspired corner of the Universe and it was this: "You don't need to find love. You have all the love you need because you ARE love." And in that moment everything changed for me. I began to embody that in my life and energetically project it in my interactions with others. I no longer felt alone and unfulfilled and began to build a life of my own, on my terms. I've been blissfully single ever since.
Culture feeds us a lie that to be happy we have to be coupled with someone. Ultimately, except for our mutual and eternal connection to each other as our spirit selves after we pass, we are ultimately engaging this grand experiment of life in a body on our own. My 13 year-old daughter said shortly before she died, "Mom, I think the reason we here on Earth is to help each other." Indeed. So glad you're here with us Sarah, helping us navigate this part of our lives. I hope you feel loved.
Great self-awareness and insight into yourself, Sarah. I think that romantic relationships do not contribute to our mental health, moreover romantic relationships may worsen the state of mind of the mentally fragile persons. I believe that romantic relationships require mentally strong and mature person with good self-esteem.
I struggle daily with feeling not quite "right" or "whole" or "normal" because I've been single for so long. This essay really spoke to me. And I LOVED your memoir. So glad you're here/there.
I want to know what happens next!
I heard something yesterday in another podcast that loneliness is the difference between how many people we are connected with and how many we'd like to be connected with. I think that applies here. If you want to be in a relationship but you aren't, then that would cause distress or unhappiness. But there are most definitely lots of people who are perfectly happy not being in a romantic relationship and that is perfectly fine too.