This rang true as I've watched a loved one living with mental illness for a large part of her life. "We’ve created a mutually causal situation: The psychiatric condition requires treatment that often exacerbates it, creating new (worse) psychiatric conditions."
Thank you for this beautifully rendered, truth-telling tale, Sarah. I believe it can build a better understanding of what people experience in the system and outside of it. ❤️
Beautiful. While my partner says he’s forever an addict, I’ve seen him heal from ketamine therapy and i wonder if he will ever let go of his identity related to substance use. (Or if he even should)
Wonderfully written and so well said. It absolutely is possible to recover. I was anorexic and bulimic for decades with no belief I could ever be free of that particular form of OCD/ addiction. After a lot of inner work and prayer and spiritual growth and big shifts in perspective and guidance I love myself. I am able to give and receive love. I am back on Prozac after many years off because I recognized that at this turbulent time it is helpful for me and part of caring for myself is acknowledging when I need help and then doing something about it. I am thankful, and hope that this mistaken attitude is changing. Thank you for writing and sharing your thoughts.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I really appreciate and resonate with your message that recovery is possible and that so much of what passes for treatment is actually harmful. I have had a lifelong journey with the "mental health" system, seeing eight therapists over decades who didn't help and often made things worse. On my ninth try, I got lucky and began a transformative (truly) healing journey that is in its seventh year. I'm so glad you wrote your book and are getting the word out, especially (hopefully) to clinicians.
Mental health is looked at differently now than it used to. Still not where we need to be. It was very prevalent on my father side of the family and I would say some of my mother side. Her side had mainly addiction. When I went cold turkey from drugs and alcohol at age 27, I had severe anxiety with panic attacks and found out later on a lot of it had to do with that. but very early in my 30s has suffered with anxiety and depression and could not take any antidepressant. We tried everything it made me much much worse. I was put on clonazepam or Klonopin. I highly addictive benzodiazepine. When I used to work in mental health as a registered nurse and work detox for a short period of time, I would see people detox from it and it was a horrible detox and then they would just put them on another drug and I'm thinking why come off at it all then try to wean down to the lowest dose possible to where you don't have any withdrawal symptoms which is what I've been able to do after being on it 30 years. tried to come off at three different times through hypnosis, acupuncture and other things and it always came down to that 32 hour mark and the audio visual hallucinations along with the knife stabbing abdominal pain had me back on it. I take the least amount they could possibly give me twice a day just not to have withdrawal symptoms and I'm fine with that.
The part about going on it in my early 30s was that I actually had a hormone imbalance and no one would check me for menopause or anything because they said I was too young . When I moved from Atlanta, Georgia down to Florida, I got with a GYN who is also holistic at age 40 and he ran my hormones and we're talking every single one. I won't name them all here, but he asked me how I was even functioning. He said, based on my FSH and other things that I have been going through menopause for about 10 years and that's the time that this started up again we started on bioidentical topical hormone replacement therapy and have had to tweak it a little through the years, but I feel like it saved my life and I've been able through meditation, prayer essential oils, and all other holistic means that I use and teach and have been able to come down to a dose that just keeps the withdrawal symptoms away. I don't take any other medication. So the root cause the second time was a hormone imbalance. That's overlooked in so many women it's told it's in our heads and partially it is in our head. We do secrete hormones there as well. Men are also overlooked, but they normally don't speak about their symptoms and such as much as women do. We don't have to suffer. We need to find the root cause and maybe just maybe we can come off the medication's but if we can't, that's OK too. Thanks again for the article Sarah. It was really good and I know it'll help a lot of people.
I could write hundreds of stories. When I was a supervisor at a mental health facility in Leesburg, Florida - people were admitted for things like saying they don't want to take their medication (due to side effects) or live, but had no plan or anything like that. this one woman was depressed due to empty nest syndrome and her husband leaving for the young secretary. A woman was brought in when her husband died in the hospital and she said she didn't want to live anymore and they baker acted her (she was 80 years of age!) I mean right then after her husband died - that's cruel. And the last one I'll mention, was woman that was severely confused and she was saying all kinds of things. They thought she was out of her mind. I checked her labs and her sodium was so low that she could've had seizures and died so when they brought her in, I would not let them in the door and told the police that if they didn't get her back to the hospital that she could have seizures and die, and I didn't think she wanted to be responsible for that. It was a severe low sodium level. That's what it was. Just ridiculous stuff. That's why I've been such an advocate for people for 29 years. And I'll do it as long as I am able and have breath. I know how to follow the command within the system - through patient advocacy, risk management, employee relations, and then going outside the facility to joint commission and the medical board. People don't need an attorney they get most of the money anyway, but there's ways to do it and I've done it. Thanks for your reply. I know you're really busy.
Having read your book a couple of years ago when I was in the throes of the the PTSD symptoms that had overtaken my life, I was skeptical of what you wrote. I was like your hospital friend (although I kept showing up!) Reading it now, in a different phase of my recovery-a much better place, I can see glimmers of how this can be true. And, I hope and definitely want it to be true. Interesting to see this shift in perspective. Feels like healing.
So true so true so very frustratingly true! All the people who are afraid of the possibility of healing want to say that this blames us for not working/looking hard enough, so it’s hard to talk about, it’s hard to hear. But I know as one who was there. A doctor said to me, do you want to heal? And I said yes. That was a very real moment that helped me move from 5 autoimmune diseases wasting away to thriving with a muffin top that I can love. The mind is so powerful! I have coaching clients who have doctors telling them they will never heal! And they are healing! I’ve also been diagnosed with a host of mental illnesses that never responded to drugs that I then had to wean off of which is an awful thing to have to do. We are not guinea pigs. I’m so glad you’re writing about this!
I love this <3 I've been in therapy for various anxiety disorders since I was twelve and was always told by doctors and family that I would struggle in the "real world." There are probably many interactive environmental, cultural, structural, and biological reasons for why I've lived in a state of heightened awareness/sensitivity/stimulation. I do experience anxiety as real and often disabling. But I've finally started to un-internalize the message that I will ALWAYS be out of place and struggling against the world. I'm now starting a PhD program, entering an unfamiliar, high-stakes environment - but rather than soaking myself in pre-anxiety/meta-anxiety about how I will panic or break under the pressure, I'm reminding myself that everyone in my position will be nervous. I won't be alone. I'm not a walking disorder, and I can't predetermine my reactions to a situation I haven't experienced yet. Thank you for the beautiful reminders that diagnoses are not identities or destinies.
For those of us who met you since your recovery, Sarah, it’s hard to even picture you in the state of suffering and despair you were in. I’m so happy for you, and grateful that you generously share your story with others who have their own struggles and accompanying diagnoses. That includes me. You give a lot of people a lot of hope.
Thank you for your vulnerability. I’ve quietly struggled with depression and anxiety for years, and traditional therapy often left me feeling worse. Your work brings much-needed clarity and comfort in the sense that there has to be something else that hasn’t been explored. Something more beneficial than what’s been currently prescribed.
You’ve walked the razor’s edge again of respecting those who believe they are incurable while holding space for those who know differently. It’s kind, it’s respectful and ever so difficult.
This is also the job that Dr. R has and what I have held as a therapist all these years.
Giving compassion and respect to everyone who experiences terrible, debilitating symptoms while working ever so carefully to help them move toward resolution of those symptoms isn’t always the popular way.
I’ve met with people who sought a diagnosis of something “incurable” so they didn’t have to work. I’ve met with those who were horribly over medicated. I’m met with those who have lost hope and want it back, as well as those who don’t ever want to hope again.
Compassion is a challenging walk. I agree with Dr. R, every single psychiatrist should read your book.
Your words have weight. More people in the field of recovery must read your work, but as a person who continues to heal from what’s been called “borderline schizophrenia,” I have doubts about the word “recovery.” If I were to “recover” many attributes of my younger self, I believe I’d end up in the same predicaments that eventually resulted in diagnostic labeling. There must be a better word. I have faith Sarah Fay will be the person to coin that neologism.
This rang true as I've watched a loved one living with mental illness for a large part of her life. "We’ve created a mutually causal situation: The psychiatric condition requires treatment that often exacerbates it, creating new (worse) psychiatric conditions."
Thank you for this beautifully rendered, truth-telling tale, Sarah. I believe it can build a better understanding of what people experience in the system and outside of it. ❤️
Thank you, Sheri!
Beautiful. While my partner says he’s forever an addict, I’ve seen him heal from ketamine therapy and i wonder if he will ever let go of his identity related to substance use. (Or if he even should)
Right? It’s almost like, If the identity works, use it.
Wonderfully written and so well said. It absolutely is possible to recover. I was anorexic and bulimic for decades with no belief I could ever be free of that particular form of OCD/ addiction. After a lot of inner work and prayer and spiritual growth and big shifts in perspective and guidance I love myself. I am able to give and receive love. I am back on Prozac after many years off because I recognized that at this turbulent time it is helpful for me and part of caring for myself is acknowledging when I need help and then doing something about it. I am thankful, and hope that this mistaken attitude is changing. Thank you for writing and sharing your thoughts.
I love all of this—and love that it’s okay to be on Prozac or any psychiatric medication if it works for you. I feel the same.
One thing that’s missing from my book/books is the ways prayer might play a role simply because I haven’t yet found religion.
We have to care for ourselves, as you say, in all ways.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I really appreciate and resonate with your message that recovery is possible and that so much of what passes for treatment is actually harmful. I have had a lifelong journey with the "mental health" system, seeing eight therapists over decades who didn't help and often made things worse. On my ninth try, I got lucky and began a transformative (truly) healing journey that is in its seventh year. I'm so glad you wrote your book and are getting the word out, especially (hopefully) to clinicians.
That’s so wonderful that you ended up on a transformative journey. So rare. I feel very, very lucky too.
Mental health is looked at differently now than it used to. Still not where we need to be. It was very prevalent on my father side of the family and I would say some of my mother side. Her side had mainly addiction. When I went cold turkey from drugs and alcohol at age 27, I had severe anxiety with panic attacks and found out later on a lot of it had to do with that. but very early in my 30s has suffered with anxiety and depression and could not take any antidepressant. We tried everything it made me much much worse. I was put on clonazepam or Klonopin. I highly addictive benzodiazepine. When I used to work in mental health as a registered nurse and work detox for a short period of time, I would see people detox from it and it was a horrible detox and then they would just put them on another drug and I'm thinking why come off at it all then try to wean down to the lowest dose possible to where you don't have any withdrawal symptoms which is what I've been able to do after being on it 30 years. tried to come off at three different times through hypnosis, acupuncture and other things and it always came down to that 32 hour mark and the audio visual hallucinations along with the knife stabbing abdominal pain had me back on it. I take the least amount they could possibly give me twice a day just not to have withdrawal symptoms and I'm fine with that.
The part about going on it in my early 30s was that I actually had a hormone imbalance and no one would check me for menopause or anything because they said I was too young . When I moved from Atlanta, Georgia down to Florida, I got with a GYN who is also holistic at age 40 and he ran my hormones and we're talking every single one. I won't name them all here, but he asked me how I was even functioning. He said, based on my FSH and other things that I have been going through menopause for about 10 years and that's the time that this started up again we started on bioidentical topical hormone replacement therapy and have had to tweak it a little through the years, but I feel like it saved my life and I've been able through meditation, prayer essential oils, and all other holistic means that I use and teach and have been able to come down to a dose that just keeps the withdrawal symptoms away. I don't take any other medication. So the root cause the second time was a hormone imbalance. That's overlooked in so many women it's told it's in our heads and partially it is in our head. We do secrete hormones there as well. Men are also overlooked, but they normally don't speak about their symptoms and such as much as women do. We don't have to suffer. We need to find the root cause and maybe just maybe we can come off the medication's but if we can't, that's OK too. Thanks again for the article Sarah. It was really good and I know it'll help a lot of people.
Wow, Kathleen, you’ve been through—and seen—so much. Everything you said here speaks to how tangled up our mental health system and approaches are.
I could write hundreds of stories. When I was a supervisor at a mental health facility in Leesburg, Florida - people were admitted for things like saying they don't want to take their medication (due to side effects) or live, but had no plan or anything like that. this one woman was depressed due to empty nest syndrome and her husband leaving for the young secretary. A woman was brought in when her husband died in the hospital and she said she didn't want to live anymore and they baker acted her (she was 80 years of age!) I mean right then after her husband died - that's cruel. And the last one I'll mention, was woman that was severely confused and she was saying all kinds of things. They thought she was out of her mind. I checked her labs and her sodium was so low that she could've had seizures and died so when they brought her in, I would not let them in the door and told the police that if they didn't get her back to the hospital that she could have seizures and die, and I didn't think she wanted to be responsible for that. It was a severe low sodium level. That's what it was. Just ridiculous stuff. That's why I've been such an advocate for people for 29 years. And I'll do it as long as I am able and have breath. I know how to follow the command within the system - through patient advocacy, risk management, employee relations, and then going outside the facility to joint commission and the medical board. People don't need an attorney they get most of the money anyway, but there's ways to do it and I've done it. Thanks for your reply. I know you're really busy.
Powerful essay. Depression is a lonely place when people don’t understand it— including some in the medical community.
Having read your book a couple of years ago when I was in the throes of the the PTSD symptoms that had overtaken my life, I was skeptical of what you wrote. I was like your hospital friend (although I kept showing up!) Reading it now, in a different phase of my recovery-a much better place, I can see glimmers of how this can be true. And, I hope and definitely want it to be true. Interesting to see this shift in perspective. Feels like healing.
So true so true so very frustratingly true! All the people who are afraid of the possibility of healing want to say that this blames us for not working/looking hard enough, so it’s hard to talk about, it’s hard to hear. But I know as one who was there. A doctor said to me, do you want to heal? And I said yes. That was a very real moment that helped me move from 5 autoimmune diseases wasting away to thriving with a muffin top that I can love. The mind is so powerful! I have coaching clients who have doctors telling them they will never heal! And they are healing! I’ve also been diagnosed with a host of mental illnesses that never responded to drugs that I then had to wean off of which is an awful thing to have to do. We are not guinea pigs. I’m so glad you’re writing about this!
I love this <3 I've been in therapy for various anxiety disorders since I was twelve and was always told by doctors and family that I would struggle in the "real world." There are probably many interactive environmental, cultural, structural, and biological reasons for why I've lived in a state of heightened awareness/sensitivity/stimulation. I do experience anxiety as real and often disabling. But I've finally started to un-internalize the message that I will ALWAYS be out of place and struggling against the world. I'm now starting a PhD program, entering an unfamiliar, high-stakes environment - but rather than soaking myself in pre-anxiety/meta-anxiety about how I will panic or break under the pressure, I'm reminding myself that everyone in my position will be nervous. I won't be alone. I'm not a walking disorder, and I can't predetermine my reactions to a situation I haven't experienced yet. Thank you for the beautiful reminders that diagnoses are not identities or destinies.
For those of us who met you since your recovery, Sarah, it’s hard to even picture you in the state of suffering and despair you were in. I’m so happy for you, and grateful that you generously share your story with others who have their own struggles and accompanying diagnoses. That includes me. You give a lot of people a lot of hope.
Thank you for your vulnerability. I’ve quietly struggled with depression and anxiety for years, and traditional therapy often left me feeling worse. Your work brings much-needed clarity and comfort in the sense that there has to be something else that hasn’t been explored. Something more beneficial than what’s been currently prescribed.
You’ve walked the razor’s edge again of respecting those who believe they are incurable while holding space for those who know differently. It’s kind, it’s respectful and ever so difficult.
This is also the job that Dr. R has and what I have held as a therapist all these years.
Giving compassion and respect to everyone who experiences terrible, debilitating symptoms while working ever so carefully to help them move toward resolution of those symptoms isn’t always the popular way.
I’ve met with people who sought a diagnosis of something “incurable” so they didn’t have to work. I’ve met with those who were horribly over medicated. I’m met with those who have lost hope and want it back, as well as those who don’t ever want to hope again.
Compassion is a challenging walk. I agree with Dr. R, every single psychiatrist should read your book.
Your words have weight. More people in the field of recovery must read your work, but as a person who continues to heal from what’s been called “borderline schizophrenia,” I have doubts about the word “recovery.” If I were to “recover” many attributes of my younger self, I believe I’d end up in the same predicaments that eventually resulted in diagnostic labeling. There must be a better word. I have faith Sarah Fay will be the person to coin that neologism.