What would it be like to silence (just a little) our cultural obsession with talk? In an age when we’re consistently encouraged to express ourselves and say what we think and engage in conversation (online and in real life), maybe it’s time to talk less.
Gorgeous. One of my acting teachers introduced me to Maria Abramović's work and I loved the documentary The Artist is Present, which chronicled her body of work culminating in the 2010 installation. Your post brings to mind something I heard when I went to see a Hindu guru many years ago when a friend hosted him at her house. She told me about how she had excitedly chattered on and on to the guru and his entourage when they first arrived, until someone in the entourage smiled so kindly and said, "We are very comfortable with silence."
Connections that transcend words weave a strong bond. I was also at Maria Abramović's performance, and I can't wait to read what else you have to say about her art.
Conversing and silence are two extremes in my belief. Our society is so polarized that anger and judgment seem to rule the vibes in communities. What about bringing people together and find genuine ways to ‘connect’. Genuine connection is the foundation of a healthy community. I like to compare it to us as humans, where our 50 trillion cells are a community and when they can’t communicate because they become quiet, we become sick.
Thank you. I too send love and energetic support for you and your mother. I often seek silence, or more specifically the freedom from conversation. I find there is much to connect with that speaks without words. It’s also been a meaningful way to heal in times when my nervous system is overloaded. I’m listening to my essence tell me what I need and the universe reveals the path. It’s been a challenge since my husband retired. He enjoys constant banter. I find it exhausting.
Sending Love and Empathy regarding your mom! And, thank you for sharing personal stories, as well as honoring Silence! As an artist-writer, silence is my friend who keeps me sane!
Sending Love and Empathy regarding your mom! And, thank you for sharing personal stories, as well as honoring Silence! As an artist-writer, silence is my friend who keeps me sane!
Sarah I love and greatly appreciate that you wrote this. I've often said, silence is my favourite sound. Nothing like less stimulation of the nervous system to bring you deep inside of yourself. Ironically deep silence can be quite communicative. And I find it therapeutic myself. I can't get enough.
Many seem confused with freedom and choice, especially in the West.
What I mean is, the freedom to make choices doesn’t require you to use your freedom to the max in every situation.
This is perhaps due to the implicit western value ‘more is more’.
Therefore, this manifests in speech also.
People assume saying more is better by default, regardless of how untrue this is or the negative feedback mechanisms that could indicate more babbling is more good, is not true.
For the simple fact that, people have limited attention spans, so for your own selfish reasons, if you want people to actually listen to what you have to say, the less you say the more likely they are to actually hear & remember what you do say :-)
I appreciate your thoughtful navigation of your mother’s mysterious illness. I hope it is meaningful to her too.
I am someone that isn’t readily at ease with quiet, but I have been working on it. My partner really is comfortable with it, which has helped me find some solace in quiet. There is something gentle and wonderful about not needing to say anything. I think him telling me that we can sit together quietly, and he will feel close to me and happy, helped make the quiet time together more easeful.
I recently completed a ten day silent meditation retreat in Thailand. I try to do this at least once a year. It is a wild thing what happens to us when we stop. Silence is noisy at first. But eventually we grow a capacity to hear with more than ears. https://gregorypettys.substack.com/
I love silence. I get tired when people talk a lot. Living in Finland, as I do now, is full of silence. They rarely talk unnecessarily. It can take time to get used to when you’re from a culture where you talk to nearly everyone you meet (in shops for example). You don’t need to do that here. I appreciate it.
I am so very sorry about your mum. It’s difficult when our loved ones are suffering. Relationships change. Ways of being change. Take care. Of you, of her, of the precious silence.
My eyes always bug out when I accidentally come across Marco Anelli’s portraits from The Artist is Present, because I painted 100 of those faces in 2015 as part of The 100 Days Project. Of the 6 faces I can see on the thumbnail photo in Notes, I painted three.
I didn’t see The Artist is Present; in fact I wasn’t aware of it until I saw Marco Anelli’s book Portraits in the Presence of Marina Abramović five years later. All the same, that performance piece managed to change my life.
I should mention that I was new to painting in ink (previously I painted in oil and acrylic), so one of the life-changing things about painting these faces was seeing the style that emerged, and watching the improvement in my skills over the 100 days.
Part way through the project I contacted Marco Anelli to tell him what I was doing and make sure it was okay with him. He turned out to be the nicest person you can imagine, and put my paintings on his website! (Though it's linked to an ancient website address that no longer exists, unfortunately).
Oh my, thank you Donna McArthur for sharing this post with me. Sarah, I’m sorry about your mum. Your opening comment around her forgetting how to get on a flight moved me to tears. My father had Alzheimer’s and it reminded me of when I saw the early signs that he didn’t know how to make a cup of tea, so so so sad. We’ve both seen vibrant, intelligent people lose their sparks to illness and it’s important to share these experiences, thank you 🙏
The Abramovic exhibition is so genius. I regret not seeing her London exhibit last year.
I recently re-watched the Philip Groning documentary “Into Great Silence” which captures the daily lives of monks at Grand Chartreuse. While there is almost no talking in the film, the silence is alive with natural sound, with purpose, with light, with attention, with life. It is a cinematic island in our ocean of noise.
I read a book a while ago by Dan Lyons called STFU: The Power of Keeping Your Mouth Shut in an Endlessly Noisy World that might interest you. I found it quite revelatory!
If you've ever been part of walking "away" like these two did, this 3 minute video is for you:
https://youtu.be/j4f4-9osaeg
In memory of Frank Uwe Laysiepen, also known as Ulay. Nov 30, 1943 - Mar 2, 2020 Read the description and comments.
Peace ✨️🕊✨️
Gorgeous. One of my acting teachers introduced me to Maria Abramović's work and I loved the documentary The Artist is Present, which chronicled her body of work culminating in the 2010 installation. Your post brings to mind something I heard when I went to see a Hindu guru many years ago when a friend hosted him at her house. She told me about how she had excitedly chattered on and on to the guru and his entourage when they first arrived, until someone in the entourage smiled so kindly and said, "We are very comfortable with silence."
Connections that transcend words weave a strong bond. I was also at Maria Abramović's performance, and I can't wait to read what else you have to say about her art.
Wow! You were there.
Conversing and silence are two extremes in my belief. Our society is so polarized that anger and judgment seem to rule the vibes in communities. What about bringing people together and find genuine ways to ‘connect’. Genuine connection is the foundation of a healthy community. I like to compare it to us as humans, where our 50 trillion cells are a community and when they can’t communicate because they become quiet, we become sick.
Very wise.
Thank you. I too send love and energetic support for you and your mother. I often seek silence, or more specifically the freedom from conversation. I find there is much to connect with that speaks without words. It’s also been a meaningful way to heal in times when my nervous system is overloaded. I’m listening to my essence tell me what I need and the universe reveals the path. It’s been a challenge since my husband retired. He enjoys constant banter. I find it exhausting.
Beautifully put. (And thank you.)
Sending Love and Empathy regarding your mom! And, thank you for sharing personal stories, as well as honoring Silence! As an artist-writer, silence is my friend who keeps me sane!
Sending Love and Empathy regarding your mom! And, thank you for sharing personal stories, as well as honoring Silence! As an artist-writer, silence is my friend who keeps me sane!
Thank you!
Sarah I love and greatly appreciate that you wrote this. I've often said, silence is my favourite sound. Nothing like less stimulation of the nervous system to bring you deep inside of yourself. Ironically deep silence can be quite communicative. And I find it therapeutic myself. I can't get enough.
This is amazing: "silence is my favourite sound."
Indeed.
Many seem confused with freedom and choice, especially in the West.
What I mean is, the freedom to make choices doesn’t require you to use your freedom to the max in every situation.
This is perhaps due to the implicit western value ‘more is more’.
Therefore, this manifests in speech also.
People assume saying more is better by default, regardless of how untrue this is or the negative feedback mechanisms that could indicate more babbling is more good, is not true.
For the simple fact that, people have limited attention spans, so for your own selfish reasons, if you want people to actually listen to what you have to say, the less you say the more likely they are to actually hear & remember what you do say :-)
Brilliant.
Thanks for writing. Thanks for sharing.
I appreciate your thoughtful navigation of your mother’s mysterious illness. I hope it is meaningful to her too.
I am someone that isn’t readily at ease with quiet, but I have been working on it. My partner really is comfortable with it, which has helped me find some solace in quiet. There is something gentle and wonderful about not needing to say anything. I think him telling me that we can sit together quietly, and he will feel close to me and happy, helped make the quiet time together more easeful.
That's amazing. So nice to have someone who understands.
I recently completed a ten day silent meditation retreat in Thailand. I try to do this at least once a year. It is a wild thing what happens to us when we stop. Silence is noisy at first. But eventually we grow a capacity to hear with more than ears. https://gregorypettys.substack.com/
So noisy at first!
I love silence. I get tired when people talk a lot. Living in Finland, as I do now, is full of silence. They rarely talk unnecessarily. It can take time to get used to when you’re from a culture where you talk to nearly everyone you meet (in shops for example). You don’t need to do that here. I appreciate it.
I am so very sorry about your mum. It’s difficult when our loved ones are suffering. Relationships change. Ways of being change. Take care. Of you, of her, of the precious silence.
This is so lovely. Thank you. (Finland!)
My eyes always bug out when I accidentally come across Marco Anelli’s portraits from The Artist is Present, because I painted 100 of those faces in 2015 as part of The 100 Days Project. Of the 6 faces I can see on the thumbnail photo in Notes, I painted three.
I didn’t see The Artist is Present; in fact I wasn’t aware of it until I saw Marco Anelli’s book Portraits in the Presence of Marina Abramović five years later. All the same, that performance piece managed to change my life.
Wow! Amazing. You could write a post about that. Tag me. And show us the portraits you painted!
Thanks! I haven't written an entire post about it, but I did write about it *within* a post last year, here: https://balampman.substack.com/i/103735856/days-of-the-artist-is-present.
Better yet, on my website you can click on the paintings to make them bigger: https://www.balampman.com/#/100-days-of-the-artist-is-present/.
I should mention that I was new to painting in ink (previously I painted in oil and acrylic), so one of the life-changing things about painting these faces was seeing the style that emerged, and watching the improvement in my skills over the 100 days.
Part way through the project I contacted Marco Anelli to tell him what I was doing and make sure it was okay with him. He turned out to be the nicest person you can imagine, and put my paintings on his website! (Though it's linked to an ancient website address that no longer exists, unfortunately).
Thank you for your interest!
Oh my, thank you Donna McArthur for sharing this post with me. Sarah, I’m sorry about your mum. Your opening comment around her forgetting how to get on a flight moved me to tears. My father had Alzheimer’s and it reminded me of when I saw the early signs that he didn’t know how to make a cup of tea, so so so sad. We’ve both seen vibrant, intelligent people lose their sparks to illness and it’s important to share these experiences, thank you 🙏
The Abramovic exhibition is so genius. I regret not seeing her London exhibit last year.
Keep up the great writing! X
Oh, thank you. This means so much to me.
🥰 ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
I recently re-watched the Philip Groning documentary “Into Great Silence” which captures the daily lives of monks at Grand Chartreuse. While there is almost no talking in the film, the silence is alive with natural sound, with purpose, with light, with attention, with life. It is a cinematic island in our ocean of noise.
I'm going to check it out. I love how you put this: "It is a cinematic island in our ocean of noise."
I read a book a while ago by Dan Lyons called STFU: The Power of Keeping Your Mouth Shut in an Endlessly Noisy World that might interest you. I found it quite revelatory!
Reading now...