299 Comments
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Cici Sullivan's avatar

You were on my mind all day. I’m so sorry, Sarah. I’m sending you my deepest condolences and so much love. This was such a beautiful tribute to your mother. She would be so proud. 🤍

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Sarah Fay's avatar

Thank you, Cici. You have me crying in a good way.

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Sarina Zoe's avatar

Wow. I am so grateful to have read this intimate piece, to have a glimpse into your love for your mother, what a woman, I want to be more like her, truly.

I remember something you wrote a while back, about linking arms with your mother while walking around the streets… it’s funny I don’t remember much about the context, just that you’d described something so simple and so beautifully significant for you both.

Strangers who could wash us and tend to us before we go, this is a powerful image Sarah.

Sending your tender heart so much love ❤️

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Sarah Fay's avatar

Thank you, Sarina.

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Caroline Nolan's avatar

Oh my goodness. We are strangers but united in the loss of a parent. This is stunning, brave storytelling. My father died on Father’s Day and I haven’t been able to write about him yet. Thanks for sharing your beautiful mom with us…and the wisdom within the experience. 💕

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Mo__'s avatar

Beautifully shared, Sarah. Sorry for your loss. For me, the passing of each of my parents was extremely profound. Nurture yourself as she would want you to be cared for. Sending thoughts of love.

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Sarah Fay's avatar

Thank you, Mo.

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Debbie Weil's avatar

ooo Sarah, this is such a wonderful, comforting, magical account of your mother dying. also very helpful of you to emphasize that there are many interpretations of DNR. my mother died less than two years ago and I can still feel the strange, untethered, lonely sensation I had right after she died. sending hugs. ❤️❤️

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Sarah Fay's avatar

Yes, untethered. So grateful for you, Debbie.

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christina moore's avatar

I’m so sorry for your loss. She was a remarkable woman. I have great respect and admiration for her from what you’ve written, in Pathological and here. Sending much love and prayer. This needs a more careful second reading, but sorrow and sympathy are urgent. 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

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Sarah Fay's avatar

Thank you, Christina.

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Eileen Kennedy-Moore, PhD's avatar

Thank you for this beautiful and heartfelt piece, Sarah. I’m so sorry for your loss! My mother died suddenly of a brain aneurysm at 58. I remember thinking afterward that the sky should be a different color now that she was gone. But somehow the world kept turning. I had young children at the time, so each morning it was another nonstop day, another 3 loads of laundry…This was both a comfort and a heartache.

May your memories of your mother bring you comfort.

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Sarina Zoe's avatar

Oh gosh, the sky should be a different colour 💔

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Cindy S. Yantis's avatar

Oh, Sarah, it is true. We are connected by this beautiful and raw story. Mother-connected. My heart is with you and I'm so sorry for your loss.

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Sarah Fay's avatar

Thank you so much.

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Robin Motzer's avatar

Sarah, My condolences. May you be surrounded by love. Thank you for sharing a personal story that resonates. Thank you for the encouragement and community you've created...a place to care and connect. All blessings to you. Your mom is with the angels. And, she raised an amazing daughter. Take care of yourself. You are loved. May you find peace in the good company of people who care. 🤗✨️💕

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Sarah Fay's avatar

Robin, yes. With the angels. I believe that.

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Mary Roblyn's avatar

Sarah, what a beautiful tribute. I’ve been thinking about you this past week, knowing how hard things have been for you. This brought me to tears. I didn’t know your mom. But I can say “I love Lynn,” along with the many others who read this, through your vivid and tender portrayal. My deepest condolences.

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Sarah Fay's avatar

Oh, this is so wonderful. I'm going to make T-shirts (once I'm done crying): "I love Lynn."

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Mary Roblyn's avatar

Your mother’s love and tenderness - and her tenacity! - shine bright in you. I’m speaking for the entire Substack community, and for all of your readers. Wishing you a quiet space of healing during these holidays and the days ahead.

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GeorgeAnn's avatar

A beautiful tribute to your mother. I am so sorry for your loss but I am sure she was proud of how you were there for her. Praying for God’s peace that passes understanding for you and your family.

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Sarah Fay's avatar

Thank you GeorgeAnn.

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Rachel Ciordas's avatar

What a beautiful life she had, and wonderful daughter. Thank you for sharing her with us

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Sarah Fay's avatar

Thank you so much.

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Becca Lawton's avatar

Thank you for sharing this moving story, Sarah. Deep condolences on the loss of your phenomenal mother.

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Sarah Fay's avatar

Thank you so much. I'm so glad she came through.

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Emma Goldman-Sherman's avatar

I am so sorry for your loss. May her memory be for a blessing. She sounded so wonderful, so full of life and presence, as you described her, I got such a full picture of her. Thank you for all of your words. Take good care of yourself - it can be so exhausting to grieve. (I mean that in the nicest way. We think, what's the matter with me, and then we realize it's grief. So go easy on yourself.) Hugs!

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Sarah Fay's avatar

Thank you, Emma. I will. And I'm so glad you got to meet here. So many tears. Who knew?

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David Roberts's avatar

Lovely and loving.

And a beautiful sentiment in a beautiful sentence.

"Be careful of being short and impatient with strangers, be careful about assuming the people closest to you are the ones you should be good to because it’s likely that strangers will turn and wash you when you have only hours left to live."

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Sarah Fay's avatar

My anti-fragile friend, thank you. My sister's rabbi will be doing the service.

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Eliza Anderson's avatar

Ohhh so familiar. Love to you, Sarah, on this momentous passing. I’ve been through so much of this. I know how it is to lose someone in pieces and then feel the finality of the loss of the person who carried you and loved you like no one else can. I’m so sorry. I’m so glad you have the enormous rich community you’ve helped build. Take care of yourself. Rest. Your mother sounds amazing.

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Sarah Fay's avatar

I will, Eliza. I know you've been here.

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