My father stares pensively at his phone. We’re at our usual table in Starbucks. A water for me, ginger tea for him. I showed him how to download an app. He’s trying to do it. (He and my stepmother only recently agreed to get a cellphone.) He taps the screen and bites his lower lip.
I was misdiagnosed too. However having been scapegoated nobody in my family or supposed communities would listen when I explained in detail where my issues were rooted and they said I was wrong after I laid out all the work I put into understanding how the DSM was assembled. I’m a little bit envious. I’m sorry. I’m still healing those deeply wounded parts where society just wrote me off for being too loud. Congratulations to you!
Sarah, I love this so much. Notable for me is that you can tell us about all these crap emotions and feelings you still have (like any sane person!) without a shred of apology or feeling sorry for yourself. You are beyond inspiring. I have some of the feelings on your list (negative self-talk, pessimism, hopelessness) from time to time and have been shamed by my family (my parents and sibs) for them. Your approach is so much healthier! I’m going to claim this list as part of who I am—not something I have to apologize for.
Thank you so much for this piece which really resonated with me, a woman of multiple diagnoses over the years. After slowly tapering off of two of my three psych meds over years, many years of therapy, a consistent meditation practice, daily exercise, gratitude, I slowly worked my way to A Life Worth Living as they say in DBT. I'm happy, functional and engaged in life. But I often wonder if I'm "cured." If the rarefied atmosphere of the bell jar will descend again, to paraphrase Sylvia Plath. I can't know, but for now, I'm doing very well,. And if my progress ever goes retrograde, at least I know a hell of a lot about the way out of hell.
Such a great question. I’m either the best or worst kind of memoirist. When we were meeting with publishers for my first memoir, Pathological, the editor at Knopf asked me this exact question but more along the lines of How do you know this is “true”?
I have a terrible memory and don’t journal, which is why I know that any memories I have are 1) important and 2) probably clearer and more accurate than if I could remember everything. :)
Excellant
Relate to this
Beautiful, Sarah. You had me fully inside you, feeling each chapter, right through to your dad's "I know."
Oh wow, Sarah. This is so intimate and powerful. I’m also so grateful for your recovery. Also: I love your dad.
I was misdiagnosed too. However having been scapegoated nobody in my family or supposed communities would listen when I explained in detail where my issues were rooted and they said I was wrong after I laid out all the work I put into understanding how the DSM was assembled. I’m a little bit envious. I’m sorry. I’m still healing those deeply wounded parts where society just wrote me off for being too loud. Congratulations to you!
Sarah, I love this so much. Notable for me is that you can tell us about all these crap emotions and feelings you still have (like any sane person!) without a shred of apology or feeling sorry for yourself. You are beyond inspiring. I have some of the feelings on your list (negative self-talk, pessimism, hopelessness) from time to time and have been shamed by my family (my parents and sibs) for them. Your approach is so much healthier! I’m going to claim this list as part of who I am—not something I have to apologize for.
Very beautifully written. Thanks. Looking forward to buying a copy of Cured.
This is so amazing thanks
Thank you so much for this piece which really resonated with me, a woman of multiple diagnoses over the years. After slowly tapering off of two of my three psych meds over years, many years of therapy, a consistent meditation practice, daily exercise, gratitude, I slowly worked my way to A Life Worth Living as they say in DBT. I'm happy, functional and engaged in life. But I often wonder if I'm "cured." If the rarefied atmosphere of the bell jar will descend again, to paraphrase Sylvia Plath. I can't know, but for now, I'm doing very well,. And if my progress ever goes retrograde, at least I know a hell of a lot about the way out of hell.
I’m curious how you remember all these details so well, such as your emotions and feelings in the moment. Do you journal and capture it there?
Such a great question. I’m either the best or worst kind of memoirist. When we were meeting with publishers for my first memoir, Pathological, the editor at Knopf asked me this exact question but more along the lines of How do you know this is “true”?
I have a terrible memory and don’t journal, which is why I know that any memories I have are 1) important and 2) probably clearer and more accurate than if I could remember everything. :)